Keith Dinsmoor

I would like to take a few minutes to tell you about my brother from my perspective.   Most people who met us separately where usually surprised that we were brothers.  Not since the Bulger brothers have you meet two brothers who were so different.

There was a six year age difference between us.  I was more of an extrovert; Steven was more of an introvert.

We differed in how we dressed, politically, musically; how we lived and viewed life.  Musically, Steven did not realize there was still music after Led Zeppelin and Jethro Tull.

The one thing we did have in common was the Wrestling matches at the old Boston Garden…I’m talking the Bruno Sammartino days.  We never missed a match together from 1968 to about 1973.   As we left the building after the show, we would travel down the long ramps with my brother holding onto my neck steering me in the right direction.

My brother was a very simple man. ..and it was that simplicity which made him so complex to me.   This would cause us to have many good natured debates in my life.   But I knew my brother.

When I got married a few years ago, I did not plan on having my brother in my wedding party.  My wife Stacey, then fiancée, was horrified.   Don’t worry, I told her, he will be happy.  Watch…so I called my brother and I said, “Steven…what would be more fun for you?  Would you rather be in my wedding party or just come as a guest?  Before I even finished the sentence he said he would rather be a guest.  See…I knew my brother.

Let me tell you a story that typifies how my brother viewed life.   His first house was a double decker in Somerville.   Around the corner from his house was a local restaurant…not a chain.  It was nice…good food, nothing special.   No one would ever get it confused with the Capital Grille or the Top of the Hub.  But it was fine.   Steven and Shirley use to go out to eat often…at least once a week back in the day.  So, whenever I went up to visit we would go to that restaurant.  One day, I said, “Why don’t we try somewhere else?”  You would have thought I said President Reagan was a communist! “What do you mean try someplace else?  What’s wrong with this place?”  “ Nothing,” I said….but who knows… we might find someplace else you like even better.  He looked at me like I had two heads.   We never went to a different restaurant.

Years later he moved to my Grandparents house in Medford.    He needed to find a new restaurant and his new restaurant of choice was the old European in the North End.    Remember?  It was there forever?  With Chuck the maître de?  Now, I liked the European…good food, inexpensive, but we went there every single time we went out to eat.    So, one day, I suggested we try someplace new.  After all…we were in the North End…it’s not like we didn’t have options.  Again, Steven looked at me like I had 2 heads.  What’s wrong with this place?  I love it!  What could be better?  But that’s what you said about the last place…how do you know you won’t find someplace even better than this?   Needless to say, I lost that debate as well.

Food was a reoccurring theme in my brother’s life as you can see.  Another one was Tradition…he loved tradition.  Things he did as a kid, he’d still do today.   But, I always thought tradition would sometimes handcuff him.  I always tried to explain that just because you keep traditions, doesn’t mean you can’t try new things.   I lost that debate as well.

Things started to change a few years back.   He met Otilia and she began to broaden his horizons….started to get him to try some new things…and of course, get him to try new food as well.   The last few years were some of the happiest and most fulfilling of his life and for that I will always be forever grateful to you, Otilia.

A year ago Thanksgiving, my brother could not make it up to my house since he was not feeling well.  A week later, he came up to celebrate my sister’s birthday.   When he walked in the door, I was shocked at what I saw.  He was jaundiced and looked gaunt.   And yet, he still had not gone to see a Doctor at that time.  Later he went and got the diagnosis of pancreatic cancer.   He started Chemo and seemed to be doing well.  He spoke to me about going back to work.   Seeing at how tired he was, I didn’t expect this to happen, though I never let him know that.  It was soon obvious, that he would soon be running out of time, though he still thought he had another 5 good years.

For me, I went through a period of anger with my brother…not that I ever let him know it though.  But, I was angry at him for not going to the Doctors sooner…and not taking better care of himself.   I couldn’t help but play the what if game.    What if he had gone to the Doctors sooner?  What if he was diagnosed sooner?  What if they caught the cancer earlier?   I was angry, because selfishly, I was not ready to lose my brother.

But something did happen in his last year.  He began living life to the fullest.  He started living the life that we always debated about.  Now he tried new restaurants….now he went on trips with Otilia…now he took  trips with the family…..now he went to DC with his friend Billy…now he rode the horses with his daughter that have been stabled  just a few yards outside his back door for years.  He spoke to me about wanting to travel to Europe to where his ancestors came from, namely Ireland and Italy.  Regrettably, it was too late.  We just ran out of time.

Steven came up to my house for Thanksgiving Dinner…just a couple of months ago.   Almost to the year of when he was diagnosed.  He was tired, but we had a great day…one of the best.  Lot’s of laughing, lots of joking and lots of eating….and I mean lot’s of eating.  It was amazing, but he still had his appetite on that day…almost to the end.

Just a week or two after that, the tide had turned and he started getting much weaker.   The last good day I had with him was on New Year’s Day…just over a week ago.  He was able to communicate with me, talking, joking…and participating when I was goofing on my nephew.   That’s the way I want to remember him.

His legacy will be his children; Stevie and Stephanie. Two kids who both went into the health field; two kids who I couldn’t love any more… or be more proud of…especially when I watched them with their father, how they treated him… right on his final day. It was a perfect combination of professionalism, compassion…and love.  They are my heroes.

Finally, I would just like to say thank you to all of you.  Thank you to all of the friends, relatives, loved ones who made his final days so meaningful. Your outpouring of love and generosity is something I will never forget.